My heart bursts its banks, spilling beauty and goodness. I pour it out in a poem to the king, shaping the river into words. (Psalm 45:1)

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TOPIC OF THE MONTH - SEPTEMBER

1. Read the topmost post, then click on "comments".
2. Read the last comment to see the most recent addition to the story.
3. Copy/past the entire story to date into a new comment box.
4. Add a further three words.
5. Click on Comment as. If you are signed in, your name will appear. Click on Publish.
6. If you're not signed in, click the small dropdown arrow, and select Name/URL. Give us the name we know you as, and click on Publish.

Remember! This is meant to be a story!
Have fun!

Friday, 04 October 2013

TOTM October. The Upside-Down Tree EDIT #2


Work through the section in black and pick out a maximum of three things you think need to be changed. Type your corrections in a comment below, using CAPITALS for your changes, and explain why you think they need to be corrected. Allow at least one other person to post a comment before you look for more alterations.

 Remember, there usually isn't only one way to say a thing. You may disagree with others, and that's fine. Just enter your own thoughts--a maximum of three at a time (so that others have a chance too).0

 N.B. If you spot something that needs changing in the blue section, you need to go back to the previous posts as they may well have already been picked up. Only cover the black words in this post.

 THE UPSIDE-DOWN TREE

SCRIPTURE READING: Acts 17:1-10
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THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:  . . .  they drew Jason and certain brothers before the city judges, crying, These who have turned the world upside down have come here too.
Acts 17:6 (KJV)
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As I drove along the road through the Limpopo Province of South Africa, I stopped the car to gaze with my eyes at the mighty baobab tree standing alongside the road. I knew that in the South African wet rainy season, this tree would give bountiful shade to both animals and humans alike as well as it would be providing food, water and shelter. Yet right then, in the dry air of the desert winter, it had lost all its foliage. It's head and arms appeared to be buried under the sand. Its spreading branches resembled fibrous roots as they reached out to the sky above. This had earned it the descriptive nickname, "The Upside-Down Tree." A number of African legends seek to explain the reason why this big tree appears to grow this way.

Posted by Shirley Corder at 08:00

3 comments:

  1. Fi07 October 2013 at 22:14

    - 'It's head and arms' - no apostrophe for possessive 'its'. Should be 'Its head and arms'
    - no comma after 'nickname' necessary
    - 'why this big tree appears to grow this way.' Replace with 'why this big tree GROWS this way.'

    ReplyDelete
  2. Shirley Corder08 October 2013 at 14:28

    Fi, thanks for participating again.
    - Correct to no apostrophe.
    - You could probably get away with removing the comma in this case, but strictly speaking I see this as an appositive noun. The noun "nickname" and "the Upside-down Tree" are one and the same thing. So you do set it off with a comma. Here's more about the appositive: "Appositive is an excellent tool that can be defined as a noun or phrase of noun that describes, identifies or renames another word in the same sentence." - See more at: http://fos.iloveindia.com/appositive-examples.html#sthash.9Rfo8J4m.dpuf
    - Absolutely! No appearing about it. Why it grows this way is good. But also, the word BIG is redundant. I've already made that point clear in the article.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Shirley Corder08 October 2013 at 14:30

    Okay, here is the published version of the black text:
    "Its head and arms appeared to be buried in the sand. Its spreading branches resembled fibrous roots as they reached out to the sky. This had earned it the nickname, "The Upside-Down Tree." A number of African legends seek to explain why this tree grows this way."

    ReplyDelete

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